Funny How Time Slips Away

Before I begin this post, I would like to briefly address those naysayers out there who feel I should update with Metamucal-like regularity: screw you. I've been drinking, then I was sick for a couple of days.

I have successfully graduated from Texas State University at San Marcos. At such times one is wont to become wistful. So I decided to write down everything I could remember from college. Well, not everything.

Pre-freshman year: Dual enrollment at UNT

- John Jay, James Madison, and some other guy wrote the Federalists Papers.
- Taking every Friday off because there is no attendance policy is not a good idea.
- There is something called a Laffer curve. It was in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
- Texas has one of the longest state constitutions. This is because we do not like big government.
- People are generally nice in college.

Freshman year at Southwest Texas

- For some reason, Fight Club is philosophically interesting.
- There are a lot of idiots that get into college.
- There is a game called Dominoes, where you slap the table really hard and yell. There is math involved.
- Everyone in the all female dorm across the street (from my all male dorm) is very friendly.
- Don't show off cool things that you have. Some jerkass will break into you room and steal it.
- They never switch the smoke detector batteries.
- Mack the Knife is hundreds of years old.
- Spiderman is the most compelling superhero to write about for a final exam.
- Girls are into you for your intelligence. You still have to chase them.

Sophomore year at SWT

- Samual Taylor Colridge wrote Kubla Khan
- William Blake wrote some things too.
- Do not have a keg party at you house.
- Do not allow the police to search your home.
- Do not write a signed confession without a lawyer present.
- When referring to police brutallity, San Marcos cops use the phrase "Rodney King him."
- San Marcos cops keeps a pick ax in their crusier.
- Ther are very interesting people in the city holding cell.
- Getting out of jail is one of there greatest fellings ever. Until your parents call you.
- Get to know your TA.
- A mixture of Banisteriopsis and Psychotria, plants found in the Amazon, wil make you sweat, convulse, and hallucinate about cats, birds of prey, and snakes. This is true for all humans.
- Unicorns exists. They are slender, have curly blond hair, and are very elusive.
- Psychology of Human sexuallity is not as much fun as it sounds.
- Tubing is great in the summer.
- Do not go tubing before a final exam.

Junior year at Texas State University at San Marcos

- The basilar membrane inside the choclea is most sensitive to frequencies between 1,000 and 1,300 hertz. This is the range of normal human speech. Therefore, we have evolved to hear ourselves talk.
- All professors of Child Development are 20-something chearleaders that do not have kids.
- French is an assinine language and should be wiped from this planet.
- The brain perceives what is easiest for it to perceive.
- Speech Comm is a pointless class.
- Insects sleep
- Sponges belong in the phylum Porifera
- Getting a tattoo fells fine after the first ten minutes.
- If you puke in a bar urinal tonight, you will have a good story tomorrow. If you can remember.

Senior year at TxSt

-Professors won't remember you just because you got an A in their class.
- Memory is a fickle thing
- Sociology is pointless and easy.
- Hindus can believe in one god, millions gods, or none at all and still refer to themselves as Hindu.
- Comic books can be intellectually stimulating.
- Peopple see in Jesus what they want to see in themselves.
- Adding the suffix "Blue Eyes" to a girls name is an instant charmer.
- Calculus is vastly easier than furniture design.
- The hindbrain of all mammals takes up apporx. 13% of total brain area.
- Drinking takes its toll on the body and soul.
- The Green Lantern cannot fight anyone or anything that is the color Yellow.
- Other people don't study as much as I do.
Finally, as Willie Nelson said, "The highs don't get higher, the lows get lower."